i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
