I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
