I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
