She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
