He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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