He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
