I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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