I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
