If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
