Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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