I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
