everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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