the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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