Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Two words: nipple clamps
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