I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
