no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
