Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
