I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
