i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
