so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
