I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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