no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
honey bunches of taint.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
