It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
