In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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