If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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