I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
