He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How does one acquire holy water?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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