FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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