i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
