just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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