did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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