remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
