My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
