I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
