So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
