You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
