"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
