THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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