Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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