gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
