Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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