your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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