If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
