It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
