69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
