Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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