My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just pynch a tree in the face
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
