it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
