You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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