Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
