I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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