I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
