Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
