I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
