Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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