You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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