Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
