There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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