gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize