oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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