he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
