i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
