Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
