Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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