i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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