I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
they're like a gay fantastic four
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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