VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
