they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
