she was so not down for the gang bang
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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