I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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