Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
