Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
