i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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