I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
