hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
